Communications Breakdown

How ironic that on the way to work this morning I almost had my front left fender taken off by someone who was… changing lanes.

I needed to move one lane over to my left, but since it was full of traffic and I still had plenty of time, I waited.

Apparently the guy in the SUV to my left and slightly behind me could not wait, because as he passed me he began moving right, into my lane, before getting an entire car length ahead of me. (Clearly he was not using my ‘Look. Decide. Indicate. Move.’ technique.)

I couldn’t believe he didn’t see me, but I poised my finger over the horn button… just in case. (My little Toyota’s steering wheel horn does not work — the actual, functioning horn is MacGyvered up as a button on the dash.)

I’ve always said: if you have time to use your horn, it wasn’t that close. I mean, let’s face it — instead of a warning signal, most people use their car horn to beep a ‘hello’ to their neighbor, express their displeasure over a close call, or perhaps tell their girlfriend they’re waiting (impatiently) in the driveway. Who has time to use the horn when you’re brain is rapidly calculating how best to evade a vehicle that’s three times your size?

So, over he came, into my lane, just as if I didn’t exist. I pressed down on my little horn button for all I was worth, and began to decelerate. Did he even hear it? I don’t know, but he moved right on over, took off and moved over a couple more lanes.

My heart rate quickly returned to normal, and I could have just let him go, but I decided… No. I want to see if he even knows just how close that was.

I didn’t want to express my anger so much as I wanted this person to understand. And maybe more than anything I just wanted an apology. (Like you’re gonna get that on a highway.)

I sped up until I was parallel with him, two lanes away. I made sure there were no other vehicles directly around me, so I could safely look over at the driver. And when I did… he raised his hand and had an expression on his face that said to me, My mistake — I’m sorry.

I couldn’t believe it. Just the communiqué I was looking for. Hoping for. It made my day.

I knew that signal well, as I too have offered that exact same appeal to people I’ve cut off in traffic. I instantly responded with a similar gesture and slight nod of the head as if to say, It’s all good — apology gladly accepted. I sure hope he didn’t misinterpret my hand sign… (Does anyone know of an international driver’s sign for “I’m sorry”?)

We all make mistakes with our communication. (I couldn’t even tell you if he had his turn indicator on, as he was too close to see it.) But it’s not too late to improve — and it’s always wise to accept a heartfelt apology.

I’ve been driving vehicles for almost 27 years and I’m still learning the ropes. I’ve been communicating with my fellow human beings for much longer… and I’ll be working on that process until the day I die.

Lately on my commute to the office, I’ve been assessing my process of changing lanes — because sometimes we all have to make changes to properly move with the flow of traffic — and yesterday morning I realized the steps I take to do so is out of sequence.

I started wondering if I sometimes communicate or make life changes the way I drive.

Over the years I have subconsciously adopted the following four-step automated procedure when moving from lane to lane:

Decide. Move. Indicate. Look.

This all happens quickly, with Move, Indicate and Look occurring almost simultaneously. I know, I know… and I already said, it’s out of whack, and sometimes I’ve almost gotten into accidents because I’m relying on my quick reflexes to kick in after I have looked. But there is another underlying ‘step’ that isn’t mentioned here, and that’s because it took place before I even put the key in the ignition, and it needs to remain as part of the process until I shut the engine down and exit my parked vehicle.

Awareness.

And Awareness is good. I need to be constantly aware of what’s going on around me — inside and outside of my environment — in order to get it right and not crash into and wrongfully affect someone else’s life. But I can’t rely solely on Awareness. My Awareness does not cover my screwed up process, which must be shuffled a bit to look like this:

Look. Decide. Indicate. Move.

Look.
This is not the last step! (What was I thinking?) It’s the first step. I need to take a good, long look around me before I do anything. I am not the only one on the road. What’s coming my way? What does the situation look like in the place I want to be? What am I getting myself into with this change?

Decide.
Is right now the best time to be making my move? Would it be smarter to wait just a little longer? Is it going to be a smooth transition? Do I need to step on it and get it done quickly while the opportunity presents itself?

Indicate.
Will my actions affect others around me; negatively or positively? I have to know who my move is going to impact, and let them know I’m about to do something different. And am I giving them enough time to see me coming, in case they need to make adjustments to their process?

Move.
I can Look, Decide, and Indicate ‘til the cows come home, but if I never make my Move, I’m just wasting my time, and probably annoying those around me.

Have you ever seen someone motoring along in the passing lane with their right turn indicator flashing for miles, and they never… do… anything? You know they accidentally flicked it on… or you know they forgot to turn it off after their last lane change… or… did they? Being in the immediate vicinity of people like this is an uncomfortable feeling. You don’t have a clue what they’re doing. They’re not communicating properly. You’re unsure of their next move. They make you cautious, maybe even jumpy.

You don’t trust them. (Naturally.)

It’s okay to change lanes (that’s what the dotted lines are for), but get your process straight first — then make your move.