Counseling Tip: Alignment Redirects!
One effective means of helping others as they work through difficult times or difficult decisions is to align with them. What am I suggesting? Alignment carries the idea of resetting one’s course. Alignment means something is going in an undesired direction and needs to be redirected. Alignment is seeing from another’s perspective. Hundreds of times in counseling sessions, I have purposefully aligned myself with one who is facing a real challenge in life. If I am approached by someone who is clearly distraught, I genuinely attempt to enter into their emotional state. Their feelings are real and I need to appreciate that. The feelings may be of despair, fear, hurt, anger or whatever. The first minutes of our exchange are rooted in feelings. We align ourselves.
Another may approach me in a much more cognitive way. They are thinking deeply and have questions or are trying to figure something out mentally. I think with them, attempting some logical solution. We align ourselves.
Another person may in the first few minutes of our exchange, sometimes in an animated way with raised voice, say what they are presently doing about a situation. They are the doers of life and are action-oriented. I enter into the actions they are taking. We align ourselves.
Even if I think that their initial responses to life’s situations may not be the most appropriate, I set my thoughts momentarily aside and see as they see, feel as they feel or think as they think. I have heard that we all respond to life out of one of three modalities: some think first; some feel first and others act first. The key to alignment is to have the wisdom to know how I as a counselor first respond to life yet, when need be, align with the one I am trying to help, setting aside my natural inclinations. Once we emphasize, the atmosphere is much more conducive to bringing about a suitable solution to whatever the person is facing. Alignment is a key to helping others. Learn to align yourself with the other even if they will need to be realigned at a later time.
Oh Brother!
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Proverbs 17:17
I was privileged to have been born into a larger family. All my siblings are brothers, no sisters. My seven brothers have proven, through the years, the reality of this biblical saying that “a brother is born for adversity.” It seems to me the phrase has a two-fold meaning. First, siblings are those who know us quite intimately and therefore through straightforward talk, yet an understanding heart, are able to prepare us for the challenges of life. In my slang, “brothers have toughened me up!” Do not despise the rather “in your face” interaction of family. They may be preparing you for the volatility of life. Second, “a brother born for adversity” carries the meaning that when things seem to be going in reverse, a brother will be there to help carry the load. Like the song says, “he’s not heavy, he’s my brother!” Often a family member walks in when others walk out. My question is not “do I have a sibling like that” but rather “am I a sibling like that?” Am I there for them, even when the “there” is costly and uncomfortable?
